I started this blog on the wrong foot. I first need to introduce myslef. Hello my name is Lovedeadend. I am a male who is old enough to know but still to young to drink. I live in Montana. I love the outdoors, hiking,biking,walking,and pretty much everything outdoors. I am a horrible speller and I make lots of mistakes of the English language. So if you want to praticing editing blogs I offer mine up to any one who wants it. But anyway people come up to me and ask lovedeadend if you hate to type and hate the english language why do you have a blog ?  to which I respond that I am in need of talking to people about my problems rather than bottling them up and exploding on myslef or others who don't deserve it. Also if you can't trust stangers on the internet than who can you trust? So yeah I don't write this to share my awesome skill with word rather vent so that I may not kill someone. a fair trade if I do say so myself. I guess I will get back to the subject at hand and that would be....me. I am studying to be a Paramedic. right now I am just getting past the EMT basic thing. I also hate caplitizing letters at the beggining of sentances. oh well.. I decided to name this blog and write about all of my girl problems. Becuase they are really funny and some you will enjoy and some you will think wow I really have better luck with women this guy. I also I hope you learn that even a girl will look great on the outside and seem perfect in everyway only to leave after 6 days of being with you for someone who she can have more sex with because your too busy. who also is her ex boyfriend who was a totall ass to her.

Woot.

so I will post some great stories. I also might tell sad stoires about my job and people that effect me the most. I might also tell of my really sad horror stoires with the Paramedic part of my life but I won't voliate HIPPApainInMyBottomus. But I also wanted to say Thank you to the people who talked to me about my last blog. Thanks Firefly. and Thanks Mr. Sheilds your commment really helped me thanks. Oh follow up with that last one nothing has really changed my family still doesn't believe me. And Eva and I talked about it and it was just a misunderstand and that is what she told me verbally but her body language said a different story. So I am still working on it. Also recently she asked how I deal with her after she told me about her bad day almost in tears. I then told her that I don't know how she puts up with me. (Trying to show her that I don't have it bad at all and trying to make some humor out of the situation) I tell her that she does well putting up with the fact that I am a slow texter, something that I forgot, and that I don't know how she puts up with the fact that somenights I would rather spend my time with a text book rather than her. She didn't find this funny but insted she found truth in it. Now I ment this only as a joke but she texted back thanks I am glad I know where I stand I guesss.... I am now thinking to myself "Good Job Lovedeadend you really just know how to keep them laughing" so then I start explaining to her I ment it as a joke and that I am sorry but I need to study and pass my classes and she said that she understands and doesn't hold it against me. But she doesn't like it that I would rather spend time with a book than with her. I explain myself some more and then she sends me the text that oh ok its fine. I call her and she tells me that she understands that every thing is ok. I ask her if she is lying and she says no even though I can read people well enough to know. then later she tells me that their is a problem. And I get very upset because I hate when people lie to me and I know about it and they still tell me they are not. well then we talk it out and I just forget the thing even happened for the sake of the realtionship. But wow I didn't want this post to be more girl drama but I guess that is the way life goes for me. I say welcome to my life I hope I can entertain you. And show you bits and pieces of my life. Anyways Thanks again Firefly and Mr.Shields. Welcome to my dead end journey of love, lies, and fate.

Hello World I wish I could have meet you on a better day of terms but today is not that day.

I guess I will start at the beggining because that is a good place to start. This has been a horrible horrible week and it is only Monday. FML. Anyways I will get out with this and say it. I was abused by a stepfather long ago mostly emotional and neglect but also some physical. I have trying to bulid up the courage to tell my mother I have hinted at it but I haven't had the nerve to tell her. When I finally did all she said was " oh Whatever" and that was the end of that. Great my own mother doesn't believe that I was abused to the point where I have never been able to have a close realationship with another male. I am a male btw. and I am not meaning anything more than friends. But my mother believes that I am making this stuff up or else I would have told her earlier. Also trying to talk to my older brother about the subject I get the same responce that I am just making it all up. So feeling 100% alone in my own house with the only 2 people in the world I feel comfromtable with talking about anything. I am just a liar to them now. Anyways I will go in more detail later but that is just the bulid up to the story.

I have been trying to date a woman who I will give the name Eva for now it will change later. I met Eva when her friends have set us up on a blind date. Things have gone very very well for the short time good things last with me. Until today. I was talking to her over the phone and she asked if it was ok if she went with her friends boyfriends friend to the halloween dance just as a purly pultonic dance. I told her that I was ok with this and I tell her to have fun. I can't make said dance because of a night class I have that goes till late that night. And thinking that I am being an awesome guy for not controling her life like a puppet master. That everything she does needs my approval. I am the type of guy that believes that it is all the womans choice. If she wants to leave me for a better guy then I say go ahead and have fun. Because he has to be better if she wants to be with him and leave me. well this is not the reaction I got from her. no I get the whole are you trying to push me away question. and if I am trying to whore her out? and This wasn't even close to my idea. I just think that if she is going to a dance it doens't matter who she goes with she should be able to just have fun. I shouldn't have to hold her hand with every question and explain what to do. And she asked me to go with someone else if she didn't want to go with said person she wouldn't have asked me right? so now I am dealing with a girl who hasn't had anyone try to do nice things for her. so then my confidence comes into question and she asks why I don't have any. I tell her when you get used as much as I have you get used to things falling apart and the girl leaving as soon as your gettting comfromtable. So now I am a bad guy for saying she could go with another guy and that she should have fun while doing it. So I tell her that I guess I can't do anything right this week and I will try to explain myslef tomorrow. I think I am truly going crazy. I don't understand why women want a man who will just control them like that. I care very much for this woman and I wouldn't want to lose her. But becasue I am "pushing her away"I think I will all because I was trying to be nice. To anyone reading this I apoligze for the spelling errors and gramar errors I am quite flustered while writing this. and I have been quiet angry with the world and myslef. I guess I rellay just needed to write this out. Well wish me luck.