Hello World I wish I could have meet you on a better day of terms but today is not that day.

I guess I will start at the beggining because that is a good place to start. This has been a horrible horrible week and it is only Monday. FML. Anyways I will get out with this and say it. I was abused by a stepfather long ago mostly emotional and neglect but also some physical. I have trying to bulid up the courage to tell my mother I have hinted at it but I haven't had the nerve to tell her. When I finally did all she said was " oh Whatever" and that was the end of that. Great my own mother doesn't believe that I was abused to the point where I have never been able to have a close realationship with another male. I am a male btw. and I am not meaning anything more than friends. But my mother believes that I am making this stuff up or else I would have told her earlier. Also trying to talk to my older brother about the subject I get the same responce that I am just making it all up. So feeling 100% alone in my own house with the only 2 people in the world I feel comfromtable with talking about anything. I am just a liar to them now. Anyways I will go in more detail later but that is just the bulid up to the story.

I have been trying to date a woman who I will give the name Eva for now it will change later. I met Eva when her friends have set us up on a blind date. Things have gone very very well for the short time good things last with me. Until today. I was talking to her over the phone and she asked if it was ok if she went with her friends boyfriends friend to the halloween dance just as a purly pultonic dance. I told her that I was ok with this and I tell her to have fun. I can't make said dance because of a night class I have that goes till late that night. And thinking that I am being an awesome guy for not controling her life like a puppet master. That everything she does needs my approval. I am the type of guy that believes that it is all the womans choice. If she wants to leave me for a better guy then I say go ahead and have fun. Because he has to be better if she wants to be with him and leave me. well this is not the reaction I got from her. no I get the whole are you trying to push me away question. and if I am trying to whore her out? and This wasn't even close to my idea. I just think that if she is going to a dance it doens't matter who she goes with she should be able to just have fun. I shouldn't have to hold her hand with every question and explain what to do. And she asked me to go with someone else if she didn't want to go with said person she wouldn't have asked me right? so now I am dealing with a girl who hasn't had anyone try to do nice things for her. so then my confidence comes into question and she asks why I don't have any. I tell her when you get used as much as I have you get used to things falling apart and the girl leaving as soon as your gettting comfromtable. So now I am a bad guy for saying she could go with another guy and that she should have fun while doing it. So I tell her that I guess I can't do anything right this week and I will try to explain myslef tomorrow. I think I am truly going crazy. I don't understand why women want a man who will just control them like that. I care very much for this woman and I wouldn't want to lose her. But becasue I am "pushing her away"I think I will all because I was trying to be nice. To anyone reading this I apoligze for the spelling errors and gramar errors I am quite flustered while writing this. and I have been quiet angry with the world and myslef. I guess I rellay just needed to write this out. Well wish me luck.